Paul D Kimbrel

I’m amazed and left in total awe every time I feel little Eli kicking. It’s the same amazement I had when I felt Clayton really kick for the first time. You know - not the little bump you feel at first, but the first time you realize you just felt the foot of little baby. That moment that you realize in a very real way that there’s a living human being inside your wife. I’m totally in awe of how a life can form inside another.

That bond that Tonya must feel with our children… I can only imagine. I know the closeness I feel when Clayton gives me a big hug in the morning. That feel of skin against skin. That desire to protect, teach, love, this little person. To have that from the inside out must be truly wondrous. A feeling to make up for the back aches, belly aches, indigestion, and squished bladder (et. al.).

I recall Shawn telling me how he could never imagine loving another child any more than he loved his first born twins. Then he held the third and felt the love grow. I, too, find it hard to comprehend that growth in my love for my children. But I already feel the love tank stretching out inside me as I feel my son growing, kicking, and interacting already.

Can anyone, anywhere, explain - and convince me - how anyone could view this creation as “just tissue” - able to be discarded at a whim. I recall this time in Tonya’s pregnancy with Clayton. The personality I see in him now was present even then. They were subtle things - they way he stretched, the way he rolled. There was a voice in those actions that he’s now finding a voice for. And I see Eli’s actions - they speak to his personality. The way he “settled right in” during his first sonogram. His voice - in his actions. I can’t wait to hear him find his own voice, too.